The art of forgiving
Many of us are dragging old heavy emotional luggage with us throughout the life, without realizing how much heavy weight we carry with it on our shoulders.
In majority of my coaching sessions the topic of forgiveness pops up at one point or another. Why? Because most of us are dragging old heavy luggage with us throughout the life, without realizing how much heavy weight we carry with it on our shoulders. The moment I notice this luggage, I know that forgiveness is the fastest way to let it go and farewell this old energy out of persons life.
So what is forgiveness and why does it come so hard for some people?
It seems many have different opinions and views about what forgiveness means. And the ones that resist it the most, are the people who believe that they are letting the one who did them wrong ‘off the hook’ and thus justifying the harm that was done to them. With this mindset, on conscious or subconscious level a person believes that holding onto the non-forgiveness is a way to punish another and hold themselves justified and validated. So yes, in some form with this we, believe that we honor our pain and past, but in reality all this is nothing but an ego-trick which can significantly block the joy from a person’s life.
Know that forgiveness, in its’ deepest form is about you releasing yourself from the prison of recurrent negative thoughts and emotions and embracing your freedom. By forgiving you deliberately decide to let go of feelings of resentment or vengeance and/or anger out of your system. Remember you are doing a huge favor to yourself.
‘‘Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself’’
Suzanne Somers
Why bother forgiving?
Forgiving does not mean that you deny the wrong that was done to you and that you justify person’s actions, but rather that you exit the habit loop of negative story telling and negative emotions that this stories are bringing you. Rather, you make peace with yourself and your past – and that’s what it comes down to.
As mentioned, you are doing it for your own good bringing yourself peace of mind and leaving your heavy luggage behind.
One of the biggest benefits of forgiveness is allowing yourself to step out of your victim role and get into your empowered-self version. It’s acknowledging that past is past, and you do not let it define who you are anymore. You make peace with your past and start creating your new reality where resentment, anger and revenge have no place anymore.
Forgiveness trick
In my practice I came across few forgiveness tricks. One of them being when person thinks they have forgiven, only because the issue hasn’t popped up too often in their heads anymore. And second, when they consciously don’t wish person any bad, but subconsciously they still harbor the pain and resentment against them. These cases are tricky to identify by yourself, so pay close attention to your thoughts and check what people whom you trust have to say about it.
The art of self-forgiveness
This by far is the toughest for many people. Majority have easier time forgiving others than oneself. This happens when the ego of our self-definition is too much entangled and by no means is willing to let go of the past and its identity.
This is one of the highest form of self-punishment, which on subconscious level people might believe they deserve. However this probably could be the most important gift you can give yourself. After all it all starts with self-compassion and kindness.
If you decide to do something about foregiving others or your own self, I would like to highly recommend the book of ‘’ Radical Forgiveness’ by Colin Tipping in order to get yourself started on the journey of self-love and self-acceptance. It offers wonderful hands-on exercises and templates to get through this very important step.
